Difference between revisions of "The Ghetto Gourmet"

Revision as of 14:04, 7 January 2024

Welcome to The Ghetto Gourmet; a repository for the recipes that require quantifiable measurements I actually need to look up... and then some experimental stuff in development.

BUT BEFORE YOU BEGIN, click here

The recipes denoted with an asterisk (*) are considered "Recipes for the Extra Ghetto" and people with little time/skill to devote to preparing healthy meals.

Per a recent request, I've added a section for Zahnnie (who played a part in The Ghetto Gourmet through the college years) called "Zahnnie's High-Fallutin' Fancy-Pants Cookin' Section" which is where her collection of "recipes made to impress people" is located. Zahnnie's specialty is Moroccan cuisine, and she likes to cook things in her vagine tagine.

Caryatid included an awesome dietary analysis on one of my recipes which I thought added a lot of value. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to go through each and every recipe and analyze it in through detail, so I have now added simple assicon scaling as an easy way for people to tell which recipes are healthy here and which are... less so. Please refer to the following scale:

(!) - Skinny ass. Denotes recipes that would be good as part of a diet for people who are health-conscious or trying to lose weight. Relatively guilt-free eating.

(_!_) - Normal ass. Denotes recipes that are generally healthy, and meant to be enjoyed regularly.

(__!__) - Desk ass. Denotes recipes that should probably be enjoyed in moderation, lest you get desk ass.

x_x - Heart attack. Okay, I know this isn't technically an assicon, but it's more accurate than saying "wide load". Denotes recipes that I would recommend busting out as special treats, because including them as a regular staple in your diet will probably give you a heart attack.

Savory Food

Homemade Gyoza and Wontons* (_!_)

Miso Soup* (!)

Ghetto-Fantastic Ramen* (_!_)

Fried Rice* (_!_)

Chicken Pot Pie From Scratch (__!__)

Rosemary and Honey Salmon* (!)

Beef with Barley Soup* (_!_)

Chicken Soup/Plague Remedy* (!)

Spicy Ravioli Soup* (!)

Rice Porridge/Pukes And Shits Remedy* (!)

"Porchetta Italiana" - Dirty Eye-talian Style Pork Loin (_!_)

Eggplant Parmesan (__!__)

Bruschetta with Salted Tomatoes* (!)

Shredded "Hash Brown" Potato Pile* (__!__)

Matar Paneer (!)

Paneer Korma (_!_)

Kickass Homemade Malaysian Lamb Curry (_!_)

Malaysian Chicken Curry that I Made While In AZ (_!_)

Improvements on Asian Home Gourmet's Laksa Recipe (_!_)

That Tasty Pot Roast That I Threw Up Behind Jim's Tent During The 2007 GNE War (_!_)

Moroccan-Spiced Stuffed Mushrooms* (_!_)

Salmon in a Puff Pastry Shell* (_!_)

Cheese 'Tatoes* x_x

Ghetto Cheese Ravioli with Chicken and Pesto Sauce* (_!_)

Ghetto Wonton-Noodle Soup* (_!_)

Creamy Carrot Soup (_!_)

Coconut Chicken Soup (_!_)

Ginger and Scallion Steamed Fish (!)

Ghetto-Fabulous Ma Po Tofu (_!_)

Tea Eggs (!)

"Funky Chinese Herb" Stew (_!_)

Toss* (__!__)

Why-I-Am-Going-To-Hell Spinach (!)

Bill of Larder from the 2008 GNE War, Courtesy of Vance, Thunder Mountain's Favorite Camp Cookie x_x

Creamy Vegetable-Rice Soup/Fake Risotto (_!_)

Tasty Nasi Goreng made with Bamboe's Nasi Goreng spices (_!_)

Penang Curry with Basil (_!_)

Daikon Cake (_!_)

Heavenly Ghettalian Spaghetti Sauce (!)

See Krong Tord Gratium (Thai style Pork Spareribs with Crispy Garlic and Pepper) (__!__)

Takrite Goong (Lemongrass Sticks with Minced Chicken, Prawns, and Pork) (__!__)

Salmon and Spinach Quiche (aka "Quiche So Good, She'll Pretty Much Have To Put Out") x_x

Ghetto-Fabulous Spicy Tuna a la Waldrop* (!)

Panko-Breaded Fish with Ginger Sauce (_!_)

Black Bean Sauce Pork Roast, Courtesy of Marti (_!_)

Flippin' Sweet Spinach Dip x_x

Chicken and Corn Risotto (warning: not for cooks who are ADD) (_!_)

Thai Pickles (!)

Moderately Nutritious Taco Salad (!)

Sexy Homemade Tater Tots (!)

"Toss My" Salad (!)

Chicken Turnovers (_!_)

The Cafe Congress' "Heartbreaker" Plate x_x

Beef Stew (_!_)

Efficient Broccoli & Rice* (!)

Holy-Crap-Good Cornbread* (!)

Poky Salad* (!)

Cafe-Style Chicken & Broccoli Alfredo* x_x

Lo Mai Gai (Lotus-wrapped Chicken with Sticky Rice) (_!_)

Soup for a Sick Day

Ghetto-Fraiche Lemon Tofu* (_!_)

Ghetto Coconut Noodle Soup* (_!_)

Take Me to Your Mama's for Rice & Beans

Cruelty-free Bolognese Sauce

Fake Thai Veggies

Hoity Toity Farm-to-Table Frittata

Total Flex-Cooking Lasagna From Scratch... but it's only mad flexin' if you make it on a weeknight after work and don't start cooking until after 7pm.

Bagels from that stupid fucking long recipe

Dessert

Pie Crust (__!__)

Blackberry-Blueberry Pie (_!_)

Apple Pie (_!_)

Peach Pie with Star Anise (_!_)

Ginger Ice Cream (_!_)

Basil Ice Cream (_!_)

Krapp (Flambe) (__!__)

Dark Chocolate Cake (__!__)

Litterbox Cake (__!__)

Emme's Rum Balls (_!_)

Arschwein-Cookies (_!_)

Father-Hating-and-Shame Cookies (_!_)

Goth-Flavored Banana Bread (!)

The Best Carrot Cake Ever, According to Two California Hippies (!)

Sun-Ripened Mixed New Galen Field Browns (_!_)

Bienenstich x_x

Pandan-Banana Cake (_!_)

Delicious Fiber Bomb Bars* (!)

Hilary's Plum Torte (_!_)

Chocolate Oatmeal Cake (_!_)

Baked Apple-Thing (__!__)

Amanda's Mom's Cake (Red Velvet Cake filled with Grand Marnier-soaked Strawberries, covered in Homemade Creamcheese Frosting, Coconut and Almond Flakes) x_x

Horror at Pompeii (Rice Krispy Treats)* (__!__)

Perfect 10 Legendary Munchies-Satisfying Cranberry Chocolate Chip Muffins (__!__)

Hello Kitty Cake Pops

Ghetto Microwave Mochi

Baked Raw Cookie Dough

French Macarons (__!__)

Buttercream (__!__)

Cranberry Orange Muffins, Jesse Pinkman method

B'norange Banana Cake

Rose & Herbes de Provence Olive Oil Cake

But It's Not Salad Cake

Chocolate Babkallah

Shokupan, bitches!

Drinkies

Tears of Baby Jesus (_!_)

Rear of Baby Jesus (_!_)

Amaretto Smoothie (__!__)

Official Recipe for a Lady DiSaronno (_!_)

Dirty Hippie Blackberry-Mango Smoothie (!)

How-I-Got-Registered-To-Vote-In-Cambridge Smoothie (!)

Vegan-Friendly Version of the How-I-Got-Registered-To-Vote-In-Cambridge Smoothie (!)

Coconut-Pandan Daiquiri (Creamy and yet dairy-free! For those of you who don't want your lactose intolerance flaring up and adding to the morning-after beer shits.) (__!__)

Eggnog (Johnson Family Recipe) (__!__)

Roger's Appletinis (!)

Spiced Pear (!)

Izzy's XXX Road Soda (!)

Courtney Love (!)

Izzy's Bloody Mary

Cheapo Fruity Mimosa (!)

Poolside Sangria (!)

Tranny Chaser

The Main Event Cosmos

Chai Sizzurp

Le Bunghole Homebrews:

Arschwein Beta Version (_!_)

Arschwein Version 1.0 (_!_)

"Djarum Black" Mead Beta Version (_!_)

The Award-Winning Gargamel (_!_)

Infamous Bathtub Mead (latest recipe has moved here until further notice) (_!_)

Viking Breakfast (Bacon Acerglyn) (_!_)

Misc

Awesome Fake Satay Sauce (_!_)

Mutie's Honey Butter Recipe x_x

"Special Sauce" x_x

Guacamole (_!_)

Tzatziki (!)

Extra-salty Soy-Garlic Marinade (__!__)

Extra-salty Soy-Ginger Marinade (__!__)

Creamy Fake Vomit x_x

How To Make a Bacon Candle x_x

Oatmeal-Raisin Cardboard (!)

Homemade Turkey Broth (_!_)

Bizkits* (_!_)

Zahnnie's High-Fallutin' Fancy-Pants Cookin' Section

With the recipes that follow, you will be able to easily convince your family and friends that you are a totally awesome cook, when in fact you're just making it up as you go. Never reveal this crucial secret.

Baked Potato Soup so good you just may cream your pants.

Moroccan Lamb Tagine

Homemade Gnocchi

Sausage and Leek Ragu to go with the gnocchis. Mmm.

Sausage and Leek Soup inspired by the ragu. For the crockpot for extra laziness!

Boozesicles made especially by the lovely Zahnnie for Ubernerd's Tarts 'n Vicars/Good-Decisions party