Rice Porridge/Pukes And Shits Remedy

On occasion I tend to get the pukes and shits. It's a minor problem that arises when you experiment with new foods or like your meat exceptionally rare (and I do both). When this happens, I'll make the plain unadulterated version of my mom's remedy for violent gastro-intestinal distress because it really works. Better than chicken soup, bananas, Pepto, and Kaopectate (which, when combined in a blender, makes a delightful smoothie called "Chickananabistate").

When I'm not losing it out of both ends, though, I make a fancier version of rice porridge called "congee" and serve it as a delightful dim sum dish.

Basic Rice Porridge Ingredients:

1 cup calrose rice

4 cups water

Stick it all in a big pot and crank the heat up to high. Boil. When the water comes to a boil, turn the heat down to low and simmer. The whole thing should turn into sludge in about an hour, at which point you eat it plain, or with as much seasoning as your roiling guts can handle. Mmmmmm... looks like British food.

Turn it into Congee! Ingredients:

1 cup calrose rice

4 cups water

1 chicken breast

3-5 dried shiitake mushrooms (soaked and re-plumped)

3 sprigs of scallions (sliced into tiny rounds)

1 "Thousand Year Old Egg", sliced (optional)

Optional Garnish:

Strips of deep fried wonton skins

"Chinese Donuts"

White pepper

Soy sauce

Bovril (optional)

Fried Egg

Same recipe as before - slap all the ingredients into a big pot (reserve a handful of the chopped scallion for garnish if desired), bring to a boil, then simmer until the chicken breast is cooked thoroughly through and the whole thing looks like British food. Ladle servings into small bowls and garnish with a few strips of deep fried wonton skin and scallions. Season individual servings with white pepper and soy sauce or Bovril. Enjoy with "Chinese Donut" rounds if you can get them, or a fried egg on top.