Interview With A Satyr:Showdown

Well, Gwen, things have gotten pretty complicated lately, haven't they? You and your friends had quite an involvement in the recent war. Did you know you'd be so involved with the fight against the Destroyer?

Well, actually, we did know ahead of time because we had to be part of the banishing ritual. Mistress Elly particulary did a lot of research beforehand. She's really very smart, you know, even though she's still young. She spent tons of time in libraries and spoke with the capitol city's archmage upstairs in the top of the mage tower, to understand what people have tried in the past times when the Destroyer has been raised, since it happens every 2000 years or so, and then once she knew what we needed, we all went out and started recruiting people and stuff. Like we found the priestess to help with the second ritual, and went to the hall of the dwarves to get a dwarf to help with the first ritual, and we had to talk to the Empress about being part of the second one and everything. Our whole team was very active in the lead-up to this fight. Actually, we were warned early on that each of us who received a wish from the pantheon when we defeated Squidzilla would be called upon to serve in the battle with the Destroyer.

How did you personally prepare for that kind of confrontation?

I did some very good shopping!

Did you say...shopping?

Yes I did. It's very important when you are going into a difficult situation to plan ahead, which mean knowing everything you can about the challenges you will face, and finding every possible way to swing the odds in your favor. All the smart people did such great research that we knew what abilities Squidface would have that I knew exactly what I was looking for and shopped all over the city until I could find just the right things for all of us. I'm not book-smart like Elly or Shathur, but I know my friends and how they stand up in a fight, and what knocks them down. So I knew exactly what everyone needed to make this battle a victory. It can be a real life-saving measure to have the right protections, which may seem silly when the plan was to have everyone die anyway, but that's just because the ritual was guaranteed to kill them--

Wait, the ritual killed all of them? The burial ground was only prepared for three.

Well, yeah, the other ones we knew we'd be able to have raised, assuming there were people left to pray for them. It's not fun, believe me, I've been dead and raised before and it really does take a little life out of you. Hee hee I guess that's sort of silly, of course dying take some life out of you! But, I guess I've learned that there is dying and then there's really dying, and if you die bad enough, sometimes it takes a lot more to bring you back. We knew we wouldn't be able to bring back Asterix, Shathur or the Empress when we went down there for the fight, and they were all three brave enough to go anyway and do their part. I didn't really understand the details about it, but the ritual was supposed to shatter the soul and being of the Destroyer into tiny pieces that would scatter like confetti over all the different worlds and planes of existance, and their souls would be scattered or consumed at the same time. It sounded terribly frightening.

But...they did come back. How did that happen?

No one has been able to figure that one out just yet. Shathur asked me that too, and I couldn't really answer. But the big mommy dragon told me I could do it, so I guess maybe I did. I really didn't know how, and I don't know why she said that, but when they were really going to put them in that little stone prison for ever and ever, I was so sad I wanted them not to have to go away. It's not fair for them to work so hard to save everyone and everything in the whole world and then be stuck sealed up like that and never come back. I've never wished so very hard for anything in my life, and I can't imagine I ever will again. Maybe it's really true that wishing hard enough can call a miracle more powerful than a high priest's prayers.

Well, it was a lucky thing you were there for them. Everyone should be so lucky to have friends like you. What do you think would've happened if you had been in the ritual instead?

Oh, it was really specific who had to be in it, and I wouldn't really have fit in for any of the spaces. That's why I was fighting Squidface instead, 'cause we had to make sure he didn't kill any of the really important people before we could beat him unconscious to do the ritual. I mean, if I had been told it was my part, I would have done whatever I needed to do, just like my friends did. But instead, my part was to fight.

You fought the Destroyer yourself?

Well not by myself of course, there were a bunch of heros there fighting, including Asterix, and also a couple dwarves and a few elves, and Drow Bish was there too and they all helped out, but it was really cool when Asterix took the first charge, riding Bill right up into the Destroyer's big ugly squid face and chopped off one of his legs. It was an awesome opener and I think it really gave our whole army the confidence to keep fighting, even though they were totally outnumbered and being mindcontrolled by those awful, evil, gross squiddy mindflayer people. And then of course they all distracted him and I had time to sneak up behind him and give him a good zing -- twice even, I always said it's not a real good zing until you do it twice, but I guess that's a little different with my usual job --

Um yes, indeed, so you really did fight toe-to-toe with the Destroyer?

Yes I did, after the second good stab, ol' Squidface turned around and really started trying to get me out of the way, except it was really funny 'cause he couldn't actually hit me, so I got to make faces at him, at least until we all finished beating him into submission, which was really cool. Then the heros all went to join the army, 'cause we still had to keep them at bay and make sure there was enough space for everyone else to start the rituals. There were the two rituals they had to do, so once I'd made sure they were all set to get started, I was running around the circle trying to lend a hand, or a sword, wherever our army was starting to cave in, and then I spotted one of the Illithid generals and managed to make an awesome run over there and stabbity-death him, and it was really awesome because it really helped our army's morale and everyone started fighting even harder and managed to hold the army back until the rituals could be done.

So what happened when the rituals finished?

Well, I think it was the same the whole way across the whole world. There was that funny sort of whump feeling and everything went a little weird. And then all my friends were dead and I had to get the heros and the army people to help bring them all home. It was harder to bring every one of my friends home dead that it was to stand face to face with the Destroyer and stare him down. I was ready to fight him again for each and every one of them, if it could've brought them back.

Oh dear, I'm sorry sweetie, here we have some tissues over here.

Thanks...I mean, there is something very gut-wrenching about having to see all your friends laid out lifeless in a row of beds, and picking and choosing who to bring back first. I'm not used to being the one who makes the decisions, especially not life and death decisions, and these were difficult ones to make. And on my way home, with everyone in the back of the wagon, trying to figure out how I was going to manage this with the difficulties everyone was having with their magic, and even with healing our wounded, the big mommy dragon stepped in to tell me somehow I could help the few friends I thought couldn't be helped. But now knowing how was so frustrating, it just added to the many things I suddenly had to think about, all at once. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to face, and I never want to feel like that ever again.

Maybe we should be talking about a happier occasion. Last time, you mentioned you had a birthday coming up. Lots of people wrote in wishing you the best, as you turn 22, and also wondering what you did to celebrate! Why don't you tell us a little about that?

Oh it was really quite lovely, we went out and walked around capitol city, and then we had this wonderful lunch at a really nice restaurant downtown. Then when I got back to the palace, they took me over to the baths and I got a perfectly blissful soak in the hot baths and they brushed my hair and everything and my friends had gotten me a sparkly hairpiece they used, and then the Empress summoned me down to the ballroom 'cause everyone was all gathered together and they had a huge birthday ball just for me! It was all very warm and fuzzy and we had a great time dancing and there was an amazing dinner too.

Wow, that sounds pretty amazing. So what's next?

Well it seems like after the big whump when we unsquidded Squidface things have gone a little weird with magic and technology, and people aren't quite sure what to do or how it all works. We'll be doing anything we can to help sort it all out and get through the next year. I don't know exactly what's in store but I'm pretty sure the Empress has things she wants us to do. I don't usually get too involved in the plans, 'cause things always seem to go wacky when I do and everyone else doesn't always like things quite so, well, unplanned.

Okay, well I'm sure you'll have more adventures to talk about next time you're back in town!

Thanks, take care everyone!