Interview With A Satyr:Showdown

Well, Gwen, things have gotten pretty complicated lately, haven't they? You and your friends had quite an involvement in the recent war. Did you know you'd be so involved with the fight against the Destroyer?

Well, actually, we did know ahead of time because we had to be part of the banishing ritual. Mistress Elly particulary did a lot of research beforehand. She's really very smart, you know, even though she's still young.

How did you prepare for that kind of confrontation?

I did some very good shopping!

Did you say...shopping?

Yes I did. It's very important when you are going into a difficult situation to plan ahead, which mean knowing everything you can about the challenges you will face, and finding every possible way to swing the odds in your favor. All the smart people did such great research that we knew what abilities Squidface would have that I knew exactly what I was looking for and shopped all over the city until I could find just the right things for all of us. It can be a real life-saving measure to have the right protections, which may seem silly when the plan was to have everyone die anyway, but that's just because the ritual was guaranteed to kill them--

Wait, the ritual killed all of them? The burial ground was only prepared for three.

Well, yeah, the other ones we knew we'd be able to have raised. It's not fun, believe me, I've been dead and raised before and it really does take a little life out of you. Hee hee I guess that's sort of silly, of course dying take some life out of you! But, there is dying and then there's really dying, and if you die bad enough, sometimes it takes a lot more to bring you back. We knew we wouldn't be able to bring back Asterix, Shathur or the Empress when we went down there.

But...they did come back. How did that happen?

No one has been able to figure that one out just yet, but the big mommy dragon told me I could do it, so I guess maybe I did. I really didn't know how, and I don't know why she said that, but when they were really going to put them in that little stone prison for ever and ever, I was so sad I wanted them not to have to go away. It's not fair for them to work so hard to save everyone and everything in the whole world and then be stuck sealed up like that and never come back, and who knows where their souls went when they lost their lives that way, it could've been just awful.

Well, it was a lucky thing you were there for them. Everyone should be so lucky to have friends like you. What do you think would've happened if you had been in the ritual instead?

Oh, it was really specific who had to be in it, and I wouldn't really have fit in for any of the spaces. That's why I was fighting Squidface instead, 'cause we had to make sure he didn't kill any of the really important people before we could beat him unconscious to do the ritual.

You fought the Destroyer yourself?

Well not by myself of course, there were a bunch of heros there fighting, including Asterix, and also a couple dwarves and a few elves, and Drow Bish was there too and they all helped out, but it was really cool when Asterix took the first charge, riding Bill right up into the Destroyer's big ugly squid face and chopped off one of his legs. It was an awesome opener and I think it really gave our whole army the confidence to keep fighting, even though they were totally outnumbered and being mindcontrolled by those awful, evil, gross squiddy mindflayer people. And then of course they all distracted him and I had time to sneak up behind him and give him a good zing -- twice even, I always said it's not a real good zing until you do it twice, but I guess that's a little different with my usual job --

Um yes, indeed, so you really did fight toe-to-toe with the Destroyer?

Yes I did, after the second good stab, ol' Squidface turned around and really started trying to get me out of the way, except it was really funny 'cause he couldn't actually hit me, so I got to make faces at him, at least until we all finished beating him into submission, which was really cool. Then the heros all went to join the army, 'cause we still had to keep them at bay and make sure there was enough space for everyone else to start the rituals. There were two rituals they had to do, and I wasn't in either one, so once they were all set to get started, I was running around the circle trying to lend a hand, or a sword, wherever our army was starting to cave in, and then I spotted one of the Illithid generals and managed to make an awesome run over there and stabbity-death him, and it was really awesome because it really helped out army's morale and everyone started fighting even harder and managed to hold the army back until the rituals could be done.

So what happened when the rituals finished?

Well, I think it was the same the whole way across the whole world. There was that funny sort of whump feeling and everything went a little weird. And then all my friends were dead and I had to get the heros and the army people to help bring them all home. It was harder to bring every one of my friends home dead that it was to stand face to face with the Destroyer and stare him down. I was ready to fight him again for each and every one of them, if it could've brought them back.

Oh dear, I'm sorry sweetie, here we have some tissues over here. Maybe we should be talking about a happier occasion. Last time, you mentioned you had a birthday coming up. Lots of people wrote in wishing you the best, as you turn 22, and also wondering what you did to celebrate! Why don't you tell us a little about that?

Oh it was really quite lovely, we went out and walked around capitol city, and then we had this wonderful lunch at a really nice restaurant downtown. Then when I got back to the palace, they took me over to the baths and I got a perfectly blissful soak in the hot baths and they brushed my hair and everything and my friends had gotten me a sparkly hairpiece they used, and then the Empress summoned me down to the ballroom 'cause everyone was all gathered together and they had a huge birthday ball just for me! It was all very warm and fuzzy and we had a great time dancing and there was an amazing dinner too.

Wow, that sounds pretty amazing. So what's next?

Well it seems like after the big whump when we unsquidded Squidface things have gone a little weird with magic and technology, and people aren't quite sure what to do or how it all works. We'll be doing anything we can to help sort it all out and get through the next year. I don't know exactly what's in store but I'm pretty sure the Empress has things she wants us to do. I don't usually get too involved in the plans, 'cause things always seem to go wacky when I do and everyone else doesn't always like things quite so, well, unplanned.

Okay, well I'm sure you'll have more adventures to talk about next time you're back in town!

Thanks, take care everyone!