LongestRoadEzelRants
Contents
Issues
At some points in Ezel's unlife, he decides some things are Serious business! He prompty scrawls a rant on a sheet of parchment, realizes no one should ever read them, and quickly throws them away before anyone can read it. But with spies and scavengers everywhere, the age-old lesson rears its ugly head: "What is be broken can be unbroken."
Shadow Evocation
I don't understand. Why did you not copy correctly, Shadow Evocation?
I enjoy tracking and tracing and gathering information and all that, but when the fight breaks out, I'm not very useful. This would have been the perfect spell to add an extra oomph. But nooooo, it didn't want to copy itself to my spellbook.
What happened that night? Was I tired? No, I'm a lich. Was I disracted? A tiny violin played in the background during the night, but it was minor. Was it me? No, I'm perfect.
It must have been the scroll! It was maybe defective. Perhaps the parchment had worn down and a few sigils were missing. Maybe whoever wrote the scroll was too lazy.
And I've studied it every way I know how to. I'll need to read up on scroll-copy techniques later on and try again. Maybe there's an angle I missed. In the meantime, Blast you Shadow Evocation!
Compulsion
Freehaven makes me sick. More than the silly-willy artists and I-use-big-words-that-makes-me-smart propeller heads and the SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!1! politicians. No, this is about magical compulsion, forcing something against its own will.
Using a brainwashed silver dragon, to guard the town against a demon portal. Incredible. The means are just as important as the goals, kids. Forcing something against its will is one of the worst things you can possibly do to someone. If you provide a compelling argument, sure no problems there. But holding an artifact and instanly commanding control? NO.
The lost potential is simply too great. The deputy mayor had been under great stress during the last few days. But he couldn't talk about the dragon. At first I thought it was because he was a snooty fool like the mayors. Until I realized they were controlling him as well. He was free to do whatever he wanted EXCEPT talk about the silver dragon. He so clearly wanted to talk about it, but his body physically locked up when he tried to talk about it.
He was smart enough to take us to the Mayor's office, though. Orders always have loop holes and ways to pervert commands (djinn love screwing up wish spells. I will never cast those kinds of spells unless it's a last resort.) I wanted to tear into the mayors. Oddly enough, none of the logical reasons came to mind: A silver dragon isn't enough to protect you against demons, everyone will come looking for the artifact, the dragon will kill you when it finally breaks free, we can offer better means of protection, yadda yadda yadda.
No, none of that. I simply hate these kinds of compulsions. There are MANY activites I would like to do that I can't because of this stupid compulsion and I - ARGH I hate it.
And I couldn't do a single thing about it. I prepared several Break Enchantment spells for naught because it's an artifact. Also, one of our travellers is also suffering from a magical compulsion I cannot break because I am so weak.
I need to break free of all of this nonsense, quickly. Before I lose what's left of my sanity.
Life
Technically, it's just a dragon egg hatching. I've read all about the process. I've read the diagrams, I have seen the pictures. So why did Seth and Mirenuth's egg hatching upset me so much?
Now, the sight of so many happy happy joy joy humanoids and dragons gushing over a newborn is enough to drive anyone mad. A minute after the hatching, I was upstairs, well on my way to the dragons' library. I mean, I had spells to research. Maybe there's a Close Portal spell (They'll probably give it a stupid name, like Seal Extraplanar Hole but these embellishings are annoying.)
But something came up. I'm sitting on a chair, lost deep in thought. And not about what was wrong with the Shadow Evocation scroll I screwed up yesterday (the previous author must have done it wrong. Whatever, I'll look at it later.) Yet I wasn't in the library. Well, people were coming upstairs, so it was my queue to get my bony butt into the library.
An hour into research, I was going nowhere. Seriously. I spent another hour pondering about it when I finally figured it out. Life, birth, an addition to a family - I've never experienced that. And I can't relate to it.
I don't remember anything about my birth. Well, not my birth, but the birth before it. The original birth. Assuming I was ever alive. The relationship I would like to call "family" is a sick joke at best. Why is it such a happy event? I concluded the magical drive to convince creatures to try to survive - but that's not good enough. At least not right now.
As the festivities died down, I snuck into the hatchery to privately speak to Mirenuth. Well, "snuck" is a loose term since there were plenty of attendants there. Oh, and the huge silver dragon. I had nothing to offer her (I was supposed to bring gems and gifts for the child to hoard, hmm) and admitted to her that I had no concept of birth or life.
She pinned me with her wing (well, I guess this is how a dragon hugs.) Later, we spoke more about families and life in detail. She managed to distract Sil by giving her babysitting duty (a million thanks, Mirenuth.) Mirenuth spoke about her parents, the courting process with Seth, finding a home on the Plane of Air and waiting for their child to hatch.
She was so passionate about it. I...I really wanted to understand it. To have a family, a actually functional family. Later during the day, I felt pity for Mother. She searches frantically for the meaning of the word "family" but will never find it.
In the long run, this is a new problem for me to solve. Perhaps the hardest one I have ever encountered.
Happy Birthday, here's a Puppy
Mother sent me a puppy familiar on my birthday.
Stop. Read that sentence again.
And again.
There are three things wrong with that sentence, did you spot them all?
First of all, I don't have a birthday. Or I suppose I don't remember when I was "born." Or, more appropriately, it doesn't really matter. It's an inconsequential day. I mean, why don't we celebrate the 3rd day after my birthday instead? How about the first month after? I'm a lich, I'm not growing older anytime soon.
Second problem. Mother still knows where I am. She knows how to get in contact with me and knows how to prevent me from tracking her location. This is bad, I thought my fortifications were good enough.
Third, a puppy. No, a fiendish puppy. I was prepared for an undead puppy. I would have destroyed that on the spot. But a fiendish puppy...I can't bring myself to it. It hasn't done anything bad yet. Mother knows I won't reject this instantly.
Fourth (what?) do I really want a familiar? A voice in my head, interrupting my thoughts? Another target I need to worry about getting hurt? Something that knows everything I do but is harder to control?
Yes, I suppose I do want one. Damn it, Mother.
What?
It's a good night. The others went to sleep, and I've found a ley line. Sunshine runs off, good. Then, a bunny returns. A...celestial bunny.
"Oh, excuse me sir. Do you need...a hug?"
And then this cleric of Laniss hugs me. A...cleric of the goddess of life. HUGGED ME I thought he was going to spam healing spells until I exploded or something. But no, he disengaged. By the end of this evening I wish he did.
"I'm sorry, I noted a ley line around here. Then I notice an undead around here. What is your name?"
The bunny hopped up and down. A lot. Happily, I guess. I need to get this fool out of here. "Ezel. What is-"
"Ezel, Ezel, good name, good name. I understand your situation. You want to speak someone. You need a pal. I'll lend an ear!"
Didn't tell me his name.
"YEAH YEAH LEND AN EAR!"
His rabbit...is talking to me. Or maybe miming what the cleric says. Or...Sunshine promptly tackles him. Good boy! May as well get to the point.
"Is there...a point to this? Or maybe I should just leave ley line to you-"
"NO! NO! Please stay! I enjoy to hear the stories of undead! Do you lament about your unlife? Do you wish the living would understand you? Don't worry I love ALL creatures, alive or undead. Why, I once met a vampire that-"
All right. All right. I- I don't understand this. He's just rambling on and on. About...I'm not sure. I mean he keeps talking about undead. Or maybe he wants to revive someone. Or maybe it's a trap? I mean a trap so stupid there MUST be a deeper trap behind it. And he's been at it for five minutes straight? I mean he can't shut up. He just keeps rambling on and on and on and on like someone is actually listening to him. I mean, what? Why won't he shut up? He just keeps going on and on and-
Is it sunrise already?
"Excuse me cleric. I think we're done here. Besides, the focal point moved away."
"Oh. I didn't realize. I guess my thesis of unified life and unlife will have to wait. Killer! Here girl!"
And the bunny popped up on his shoulder. He turned around and left. I lost the ley line, I lost my name, and he lost nothing.
Nightmare
If I am ever destroyed, I will wind up here. In a ridiculous sailor suit, no less. I don't want to "die."
