Hub2 Ember: Adventure Journal

Thursday, May 30, 48670

I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that the spell is, technically, called "Hold Person" -- thus implying that despite someone's judgement that it should be used on me, they're still admitting, deep down, that I'm a person. Who am I kidding? That's not much comfort. Maybe I should have a bumper sticker made for Mara's hood. "FAERIE ON BOARD" might work. Or..."BEWARE OF WATCH-FAERIE"? That might send the wrong impression. "THIS ISN'T THE FAERIE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR"? "FAERIES ARE PEOPLE TOO!" Except, we already established that technically, they know that. Maybe Mara can think of something better. Perhaps "DETECT BEFORE YOU LEAP" would be more instructive.

I know I should be thankful she didn't choose a spell that was more...offensive. And that it didn't work. But I'm just not good enough to be like that yet. Every day I see that scar on my arm, my leg, they sting all over again. But now I can't just be angry. Now I feel bad -- like it's my fault, like I shouldn't make people so angry, like I'm the one who did something wrong. Like I'm the one who should be better. Having a conscience is hard work. I thought it might be hardest at the bottom, but it just gets harder as I climb. It will be worth it some day, Oak. Love you.