Shit That Makes Me Really Happy

Nybble once asked me "MUST YOU ALWAYS BE SO NEGATIVE?!"

To that I say "well... ehhh... yes, but that doesn't mean that there aren't things out there that make me happy sometimes as well." I mean, when you're happy, no one wants to hear about it because chances are, they're probably miserable, and you're fartin' kittens and sunshine all over their parade. But since I always come across as bitching all the time, here's a list of the things that make ME fart kittens and sunshine... though I warn you, this page isn't nearly as funny as the rest of the ones I've put up so far.

• Being able to fill up a week's worth of sandwiches with sprouts for only 69 cents
• Huge, cheap, fresh avocadoes for 88 cents. And cramming them in my face-hole!
• Fresh Singapore laksa, made by my mom.
• A turkey sandwich, Gentleman's Jack, a bag of brand new art supplies, and no social or emotional obligations for the entire evening.
• Opera cake
• Being able to drive and park downtown without having to constantly fight back the urge to jump out of my car and repeatedly punch other drivers right in the box.
• Being able to see mountains from wherever I am standing on the street.
• Not driving!
• New underwear
• Inappropriate toilet humor at inopportune times
• Non-pitted countertops
• Wide, multi-lane, two-way roads
• The Dirty Mercs
• Central air
• Waking up with the sun
• Tater tots
• Nuclear red hair
• Being able to look out my window without being subjected to a million-dollar view right into my ugly-ass neighbor's master bathroom!
• Poo jokes with Carrie
• South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Futurama, and that entire genre/family of adult cartoons
• Covered, off-street parking where any asshole hippie that parks you in is guaranteed to get towed
• Really amazing shoes
• Crawling into soft grey sheets in an air-conditioned room on a hot summer night, being gently wrapped in someone's arms, and falling asleep to kisses on my shoulder
• Spinning open a brand new bottle of DiSaronno
• Izzy Maxwell
• Eating fire
• Ikura with quail eggs
• Terrence & Philip
• 100% silk Chinese brocade
• Really kickass towels - you know the kind I'm talking about. The ones that dry you like a Sham-Wow while at the same time still remaining ever so soft on your dainty bits. I used one at Birka 3 years ago and was tempted to swipe every last towel that hotel had, but realized that it was going to show up on my room charge in the morning.
• Being free of obligations
• Hearing about people I don't like getting peed on
• Having Fridays off
• New club clothes
• Professional moving and packing/unpacking services
• In-unit laundry
• My "How About A Nice Big Cup of Shut the Fuck Up" mug
• Izzy Maxwell
• Champagne cocktails on a Sunday morning
• Lounging around in a giant party bathtub full of soothing cucumber and green tea-scented bubble bath while sipping Rosa Regale from a square champagne flute
• Being picked up at the airport after a long day of terrible travel, without having to ask for it
• Being greeted with a huge smile, a kiss, and a road soda after being away for 2 months
• Making fudgie-sculptures out of a Charleston Chew and unpopped kernels of corn at the Someville theater and horrifying the patrons sitting in front of me with my "Fudge Hands" comment
• Teeny cute delicious bento boxes filled with spicy tuna, avocado, and rice
• Sewing vinyl on an industrial sewing machine
• Deep-fried pickles and macaroni and cheese at Redbones
• Aioli fries at River Gods
• Cartman singing "Poker Face"
• Jabo0odyDubs
• Drifting off to sleep after a long evening of talking and giggling about nothing in particular, wrapped in the warmth of gentle arms and soft kisses on a cool New England fall night.
• Being content with everything going on in a single moment and not being distracted by thoughts of anything else
• Seeing clothing that I have made fit perfectly in a single try
• Being told that I am really comfortable to be around
• Large showers/bathtubs
• Amaretto cocktails
• Izzy Maxwell
• New arrows
• My fuel-efficient car
• Sales at Betsey Johnson where I can dresses for less than 25% of the original cost
• Drag queens with hearts of gold: RuPaul, Nina Flowers, Ongina, Pandora Boxx, and Jujubee
• Super fruity runway techno from the 80's and 90's
• Being rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity, muthafuckin' CLEAN like Mr. Sparkles, baby!